Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
