STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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