i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
