good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
