I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
