someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
