tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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