I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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