She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
