Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
