He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
