White coat. Heels.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
