We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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