You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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