Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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