I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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