You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
