she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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