For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
