i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
