Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
