Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
