Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
