alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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