There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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