I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
