I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
