You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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