And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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