I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
