How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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