Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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