I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
