the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
