Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
