There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
