If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
