The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
