We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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