i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
