when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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