Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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