Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
