Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
