I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
