Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
