just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
