2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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