he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will be naked everywhere
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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