how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
