And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
