I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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