so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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