Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
