there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
