his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i now understand why vodka
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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