Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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